Slow Dialogue: With visual artist Pearl D’Souza

Interview by Payal Khandelwal

For the third edition of Slow Dialogue, we had the pleasure to speak with Pearl D’Souza, an independent illustrator and visual artist. Born and brought up in Goa, Pearl has been working in Mumbai since 2019. Themes of mental health, gender, inclusivity, and representation, often find their way into her work. In her downtime, Pearl can be found either crafting zines and comics or documenting parts of her life in her sketchbooks and journals.

We speak to Pearl about working as an independent creative, sharing her personal experiences through her work, her workspace, and some of the things she is now prioritising in her life. Excerpts below:

“In my personal life, I try to leave behind the idea of ‘perfectionism’ and just try and enjoy the life that I am building for myself - my friends, my plants, my books. Little things make me a lot happier now.”

What are the things about Goa that you miss in Mumbai? And apart from work, what are some of the things about Mumbai that make you live here?

Being able to call Goa home is such a blessing. I miss the space that Goa affords people, both literally and metaphorically. I miss my dogs and my mother’s garden the most. I also miss seeing greenery everywhere - trees in every lane, parks in leftover spaces, pots and gardens in houses of all sizes. Being slower paced, Goa also affords me the space to just be. It allows me to take deep breaths and think at a pace that doesn’t always feel suffocating. But over the years, Goa has evolved into my resting place, a place that I go back to to feel grounded. With its non-competitive nature especially in the field that I work in, finding resources and vendors has proven hard for me. So I treat it as more of a haven where I can unwind.

Bombay has become my city of dreams! It sounds cliche but I think Bombay has earned that title in my books. Apart from work, it has allowed me to meet people that I always wished to have in my life - creatives, small business owners, and just dreamers in general - people that make me want to keep going. It has also opened me up in my ways of thinking and being. Sharing a seat on a train with people that are so different and so similar to me in a multitude of ways, trying a lot of street food, documenting local design - it’s the constant interaction and exposure to people and places that I love. Bombay is full of stories, and that’s what I love the most. While I am a homebody, I am always excited to do things in the city because I know that there is a story waiting for me.

Your personal work often has a delightful, 'slow made' quality. A lot of your other work also feels very personal. Tell us a bit about your work, and what are some of the themes and your creative process.

It makes me so happy to know that my work feels ‘slow made’. This particular quality is something I admire and strive for when I take inspiration from other creators online.

I enjoy sharing personal parts of my life, not because it's easy to access but because it is what I always want to see more of. A lot of my work talks about mental health and gender among other themes. These are the areas I am constantly grappling with in my life. Working through anxiety and depression has led me to isolate a lot. But in lighter moments, being able to turn a bad day/week/experience into a comic or written piece feels special. Being able to take what feels ugly on the inside and put it out into the world as something digestible and meaningful helps me process it for myself as well as create a community online. This community, as virtual as it may be, is very real to me. Receiving comments and messages from people who have felt similarly or have snippets of advice or reassuring words means that no one is alone. Knowing that people feel seen through my work is such an incredible feeling and also a responsibility that I take seriously now.

“Being able to take what feels ugly on the inside and put it out into the world as something digestible and meaningful helps me process it for myself as well as create a community online.”

How good and how difficult is it for you to work independently? What’s your work space like? Any other processes/rituals that you follow to create boundaries?

Being a freelance creative has been incredibly fulfilling in so many ways and trying in so many others. It has allowed me to really dig deep and learn more about myself and the kind of artist I want to be. It has given me a sense of ownership and responsibility over the work I create and put out into the world. But it also has its rough points. For me personally, it has to do with time and money. A full-time job means a steady flow of money and fixed work timings. That structure often really allows one to be free after hours. In the last two years, I have found myself constantly worrying about money and when the next project will come in. Work hours are also often not definitive and in these moments, I have found it hard to be my own boss and my own employee in a way. I also often catch myself feeling guilty of enjoying ‘too much’ free time because I don’t work within a very fixed structure.

I primarily work out of home. Currently, I have a desk setup with all of my studio supplies and tech around me. But this setup is also in my bedroom so quite often I find myself moving around the room, wherever it feels more conducive to work at the moment. I usually clean my desk before I begin work, a clean space makes me feel more motivated to work. Lighting is also very important to me, so depending on the time of the day, I either have all the windows open or I have a dim desk lamp on. I also do most of my work during the nights, so I use the day to get chores and housework done. But there are definitely blurring of these boundaries depending on what my life demands at the time. I do enjoy having this flexibility, and I am learning to make this work for me.

What are some of the things you truly prioritise in your personal and professional life now? And how has this changed since the last few years?

When I was a younger creative, I valued skill a lot more. I constantly worried about being the best at everything that I did. In my work life, I wanted to have clean lines, perfect colours, and be clear in my messaging. I wanted to work with big clients and brands so that I would be seen. In my personal life, I strived to have perfect friendships, collect material possessions that seemed important to have, and present myself in a certain way. I was very conscious of how I was being perceived and I wanted to be perceived as ‘the best’.

But the more I mature and learn, I have grown to be fond of being just who I am without having to try too hard. Professionally, I prioritise my voice as an artist and what I can uniquely and authentically bring to a client. In my personal life, I try to leave behind the idea of ‘perfectionism’ and just try and enjoy the life that I am building for myself - my friends, my plants, my books. Little things make me a lot happier now. While I still have a lot to work on, not having to be ‘the best’ has let me enjoy my growth more.

You’ve recently shared your mental health journey on your Instagram. While everyone has a personal and distinct way of dealing with it, are there any learnings so far that have personally helped you?

As I mentioned earlier, I enjoy sharing my mental health journey online. Especially the bad parts. Social media is known to be a highlight reel of people's lives and I want to break that a little and show parts of myself that I am not always proud of. Because it is a very universal human experience to be ashamed of yourself or to be hard on yourself for being a certain way. And I don’t think we need to hide those parts away. Those parts deserve to see the light as well, and I think there is healing in that.

I am fortunate enough to be able to afford and have access to therapy. So I do think that a lot of my learnings come from there. And when I am alone with my thoughts, I focus on processing those learnings. The last step then becomes what I share on social media. Those snippets, as much as they might feel raw, are a part of my healing. ‘Healing’ with respect to mental health is also rarely a linear process, and so with my sharing of good days and bad days I hope to make others feel a little more seen and included. And being able to package all of this into a neat little 8 panel comic is always fun.